Final Tribute to Tony Pusateri
Dan Basso - May 9, 2011
Dan Basso - May 9, 2011
I lost a true friend last week. A brother really, and it has left a hole in my heart. I loved Tony Pusateri and he loved me. Losing love like that hurts. Last Monday and Tuesday I allowed myself to become enveloped in my sorrow. As often happens with me when I am filled with emotion, the lyrics of a song played in my head. “Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you”. After a while I found a certain peace in that thought. I lost something of myself last week because Tony took it with him. That thought has become a source of joy to me because I understand he has taken a little piece of each of us with him. Emptiness is elevated to comfort.
I was blessed with the opportunity to spend much of a glorious 7 weeks with Tony. In those 7 weeks he made the final steps of his journey to our Lord. There were many wonderful moments during that time that we will all hold in our hearts forever. But while I sat with Tony, sometimes talking, sometimes quiet, I was always trying to compose in my head, what I would say about him when the time came. I was looking at this beautiful man and wondering, what should I say? I did so want to honor Tony and his family. As I looked at him I was struck with how handsome he still was. He was barely able to eat and he was losing weight, but he remained striking in his appearance. Beauty became my theme. We all know Tony. He was always impeccably dressed, clothes just right and never a hair out of place. You can laugh if you want. We are here to honor Tony and we can’t do that only with sorrow. We are sorry he is gone, but the joyful fire that was in Tony’s heart is so great it cannot be doused even by the sorrow of his absence. Tony was always a joyful man and we must embrace that joy as we celebrate him today and we carry on in the faith that we will reunite with him again. And since I mentioned his clothes, I must relate a story. Precious Michelle took on the task of selecting her father’s clothes for this his final appearance. We were discussing the many different styles that defined Tony. She went through his closet bringing options for group comment. I recalled this one sports jacket that I always liked. Every time I saw him in it, I thought, there is one classy man. We set out to look for the jacket. Well I will tell you, I knew Tony had a lot of clothes, but Lord help me I had no idea. We went from bedroom to bedroom, into cedar closets, down hallways, until we finally found the jacket. All I could think was, they were lucky Patty is small or they would have had to move to yet a larger home!
Anyway, beauty was my working theme but it wasn’t coming together. I rediscovered something about these times. I was filled with emotions that were difficult if not impossible to explain. I needed some help. Last week as I was busying myself with activities that had been abandoned for 7 weeks, help arrived. As He always does, our Lord spoke to me when I was least ready to receive the message. But once He did, I knew. I am an extremely privileged man. I stand before you today, humble and afraid because I am here to acknowledge one of the most exceptional people I have ever known and I dare say you have ever known. When I was searching for the right way to begin this talk I was struggling with how to frame my comments. Sure, I could tell some of my own personal stories about Tony, but I felt I needed more. Tony has touched so many people; I felt an obligation to try to grasp the essence of just what made him so special. Then something incredible happened. In a chance misspelling, the Lord hit me with the answer. Tony was beautiful yes, but more importantly Tony was a giver. It was never about him, it was always about others. In the misspelling, the “u” had been left out of Beautiful and it became Beatiful. I am not sure that’s a word, but it became my inspiration. Tony was beautiful because his interior beauty beamed his love for all people. It was his actions that made him beautiful, not his physical presence. He was handsome, sure, but his beauty was more than just physical.
I read in part from the Gospel of St. Matthew - Chapter 5:
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the merciful for they will obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure of heart for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.
These four beatitudes are significant to me because they represent blessed activities as opposed to circumstance. They represent choices we can make in our lives. We have all had the privilege of walking this earth with a living example of the power of these four blessings. Tony Pusateri was that example. He made the right choices. How blessed are we to have known a man who personified these teachings of our Lord and Savior. After all, Tony was first and foremost a teacher. He actually never did stop teaching, even though he changed his profession. Teaching was in his heart and through his actions Tony demonstrated the presence and the power of living life the Christian way.
Yes, Tony was a humble man yet he was so very strong. Tony was always respectful toward every person, regardless of stature or circumstance. It is said you can measure the character of a man by how he treats people who can do him absolutely no good. By that measure Tony Pusateri possessed enormous character. You had only to look into his bright twinkling eyes to see the kindness and gentleness that made him who he was - a humble man who competed hard to get what he wanted but was always considerate of everyone. He would never profit at the expense of someone else, preferring instead to defer to those in whom he had entrusted his faith. He walked the true Christian path, serving as a role model for so many, especially me.
And, Tony was a merciful man. We all know how engaging Tony was in his personal manner. He was a true people person. He would never intentionally hurt anyone and Tony was quick to forgive anyone who had wronged him. In fact, I often counseled him on being a little less understanding because I thought it encouraged people to take advantage of him. He disagreed and continued to be the Lord’s ambassador.
Also, Tony had a heart of pure gold. With Tony you always knew what you were going to get. He was honest and sincere in all his dealings both personal and professional. If Tony told you he would do something, he did it. Now mind you, he might drive you nuts for a while because he had a different time clock than some of us. But he would always reward your patience. Tony always delivered. His word was, in fact, his bond. In addition, I can safely say I never heard him speak unkindly about any other person. When conversation would turn ugly, Tony would always find something positive to add.
And, if there was one trait Tony demonstrated above all others, it was reconciliation. The consummate mediator, he had a wonderful way of diffusing difficult situations and getting differing parties to seek common ground. He avoided conflict, preferring instead to eat and discuss. His naturally calm demeanor and his servants nature was a catalyst for resolution. As many have noted, he was the UN Ambassador!
7 weeks. 49 Days. 1200 hours. That is how long we had to make this final journey with Tony. 7 weeks! It seems the time just flew by. Surprisingly, the journey was never a burden; it was a sweet and precious time for everyone. But it was a shock! A lifetime of conversation, planning, calculating, preparing, and it all came down to 7 weeks. How easy it is for us to dismiss the opportunity to be with someone we love because we are busy and there will be plenty of time. Then we discover there is only 7 weeks. Time changes from friend; because we can be share our love for as long as we want, to enemy; because we know the end is near. Now we must compress time to fit 20 years into 7 weeks. Tony and I often talked about how we wanted to spend our last twenty years on this earth. We figured at 65 we had about that much time. Possibly 10 good years and maybe 10 not so good, but who knew. He was on a mission to get his body repaired so he could enjoy the “golden years”. Yes, there would be travel and golf and pizza dinners. We had traveled with our families when our children were younger and developed some incredible family bonds, now it would be our time. How quickly things change. There would be no travel, no discoveries, no golf, no pizza, no fun. However, we learned over those 7 weeks, there could still be joy.
And joy there was - the joy in his eyes when he would respond to a statement or try to make a point. Even when he was no longer able to speak, he could communicate with those amazing eyes. His eyes shined with the joy that remained in his heart despite the unfortunate cards he had been dealt. It was a peaceful joy made ever more special by his darling young grandson, Asher. Now understand, Cathy and I have 6 precious grandchildren who we believe are the most incredible young people in the world. But, Asher is something extremely special indeed. He has a laugh and an approach to living that defies his age. He can light up a room with his presence and he did. He entertained his Papa and the rest of us. There were so many poignant moments, like when Asher would be lying on the bed with his Papa, tiny arms around a large neck, followed by the tender kiss. Then, just as quickly, he was off the bed and onto another activity. The image was graphic proof that life continues. Hope remains. One door is closed but another is opened. The hope of the risen Christ is in the heart of that little boy and it brought joy to Tony and to us. The choice of joy was easy because a precious young child showed us the way. He was the light.
Just like Tony was a guiding light for so many of us. But now we have lost that light. We will never see those eyes and I will never hear him say, Danny Basso! That is what he said when he was not particularly pleased with something I was doing or something I said. He would simply look at me and say “Danny Basso”, raise an eyebrow, and light up those eyes. I would know it was time for me to straighten up. His eyes spoke for him.
To my knowledge Tony was not an outwardly prayerful person, but he walked the prayerful walk. Tony impacted this world not because of what he said but because of who he was. It was as though he offered his every act as a prayer. Those with whom he came in contact might not have been aware of why they were drawn to him, but everyone could sense something special in this soft but firm man.
Over the 7 weeks, we all had the opportunity to hold hands with Tony for hours and hours. It remains one of our most precious memories. He wanted us to walk the final walk with him. He wanted us to know how much he appreciated our presence but he also wanted our strength. By joining our hands with his we were once again living the Gospel message of St. Matthew: “whenever two or more are gathered in my name, there too am I”. Tony wanted our Lord and Savior by his side and by our joining hands we brought that presence. And how soft were those hands, an amazing mix of both suppleness and strength, just like Tony. It is the one memory that will never fade - those soft and loving hands grasping and stroking mine, not wanting to let go. We were joined in a walk neither of us wanted to take, but together it didn’t seem so daunting.
Soft yet strong, that was Tony Pusateri. Tony worked hard to get in shape. At least he told me he worked hard at it. I never actually saw him exercise, but he did talk about it a lot. He paid trainers, joined the best clubs, swam, stretched. “worked out”, but it never seemed to actually change his physique. He dieted constantly, to little avail. In the early days, he had weight loss contests with Ardoin and then Father Duca – they all lost! His approach to his body was similar to his approach to home maintenance. I mentioned those wonderfully soft hands, which I never actually saw hold the business end of a hammer or saw, but that never stopped Tony from owning an abundance of tools. He had the gadgets. If you needed something, he had it and it would be only lightly used – most likely by Michael or Patty.
Tony was his own man. He saw life differently than most of us. He had a different metronome which is why he enjoyed our 8 year old granddaughter, Emma. Emma also has a unique perspective on life and will often come out with some comment that would send us all into hysterics. Tony always loved to hear Emma stories. Whenever we were together, inevitably there would come a time when Tony would ask; “Do you have an Emma story”? It turns out I have one for him tonight. When Andrea told Emma that Tony had gone to live with Jesus, Emma said, “You mean Tony with no hair on his head but hair on his face? Andrea replied, “Yes, that Tony”. Emma said, “That makes me sad, I liked him”. 7 words for 7 weeks. “That makes me sad, I liked him.”
I liked him too. I loved him. Tony was a true friend to me and, I know, to many who are gathered here tonight. As I close, I want to share a particularly moving moment during his last day on earth. Tony was a fan of James Taylor’s music and Patty thought it would be comforting to play some James Taylor in the background as we sat around Tony’s bed in agonizing expectation. I became lost in my own thoughts as I embraced the vision of his daughters sitting on his bed and the others surrounding him. Everyone was touching Tony as his breathing became more shallow and slowed. It was a surreal moment. I awakened to James Taylor singing, “You just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I’ll come running”. I thought - that was Tony. He was a friend you could count on when you really needed someone. In his last hours we were left with the message that he was still thinking of us.
I will miss my friend Tony, I already do. But I see hope in the eyes of the little boy who loved him so much. I will forever reflect on our time together with the love of a true friend and know how privileged I was to be embraced by one so special. Tony is gone, but he lives on in the hearts of so many who bond in the simple exclamation, “That makes me sad, I liked him”. But we are joyful in our knowledge that Tony has given us the gift of his life that we might continue on the path of Humility, Mercy, Purity, and Peace. It was in Tony Pusateri that we saw the personification of a Gospel message.
I loved him and he loved me, and that makes me happy!
